To dad...

Rest in peace. I love you. I never said it. And neither did you. But we both felt it. U lived life ur way. True to u. I hope u find ur peace...

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Things happen for a reason...

God has a bigger plan for us. Everything happens for a reason. Or so I keep hoping. This weekend my relationship with my girlfriend, the woman whom I have I have loved for two plus years - ended, officially. Trying to make sense of this but that I wish I had had the courage, strength and wisdom to have shown her how special, valuable and important she was to me. Fact is I did the opposite. I miss her. And if I could do it all over again I would treat her unselfishly and be so generous to her. She brought out the best in me and it was my responsibility to do the same. I am learning when u meet someone special, put them first, always...

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QUESTION

Does anyone know what Pwnd means?  i've seen it on several sites, blogs, video fail blog sites. when i read Pwnd, it makes me think of Pawned, which well means you take something to a pawn shop in exchange for money.  so when there is a photo of a guy falling off a skate board and the caption reads "guy gets Pwnd by a skateboard..." does that mean that the skateboard took him to a pawn shop in exchange for new tires, cash, board?  what does that word mean? if it means owned, then how did the "p" make its way in there.  and is it a silent "p"?  or a is it pronounced "p-w-a-n-u-d"?

What I did this weekend...

So my lovely gf is out and away in denver enjoying her time with her family and the very thin air of mile high denver.   while i admit, denver is a beautiful place, there's two things i will say denver will never have - 1) the grittiness and variety of the upper east side or the poshness and cool lounges of the west side and 2) NORMAL ALTITUDE BREATHING AIR! ok i said it.  phew.  give me nyc any day of the week.  so friday started off with drinks and food with some of my gf's close friends who are also my friends as well.  its so great to have females as friends because they can give you insight, that as a normal male in his (shhhh late 30s) i could never have.  and  vice versa, i believe i offered some cool (or i would like to think cool) male point of view that can lend a window into the way men think and why we think what we think when we think...um.  yeah?  so had a few too many drinks, and funny none of them knew i was past bezunkeness (not drunk yet pretty friggin buzzed)...as i walked slowly home and i don't remember falling asleep...next day, i got a treat:  i got to hang with a cool doggy...Holly..I'm sure some of you (the very few 2 or 3 who read my little bloggy) know...the coolest dog ever. yes i realize i used the word cool about 4 times here so far, but don't own a thesaurus.

So hanging with the hollister was uber awesome....took her to a park.  got some pretty nice attention from females people (this is always a fun plus to my ego - wink!).  jk.  she (Holly the dog) played and well made sort of nice with a dog.  ok this is how it went.  holly went up to a small sized dog, sniffed.  the dog had a chew toy.  holly went to smell it, the dog picked it up and ran off with it. later, the dog came back with the chew toy, dropped it near holly.  holly in a whatevs kind of motion half sniffed it.  and the dog picked it up and ran off with it again.  this went on about 3 more times until the dog had to leave (aka, the dogs owner wanted a smoke so she took her little 3 lbs kibbles and bits with her).  so there you go, holly made a half attempt to win the battle of superiority and then just didn't give a monkey's (doggy's) crap who really won.

other than that, bought some new song books at my favorite music instrument shop where i swear everyone knows me.  i'm like norm from cheers there.  except they don't yell "norm!"  they just sort of look and smile or nod.  ok...nod...i'm hitting a new wave of rock songs on the guitar lately and plus i added a new guitar to my collection.  wooo to the hoo hoo..

well hope all of you did something fun and got to be out and about in this lovely city of new york.  trust me, if you ever have to say "ugh there's nothing to do" on a weekend, then you are obviously not a real new yorker.

tip of the day: great german restaurant in forest hills called Oktoberfest.  from what i read, they have amazing large sized beers there and the food is to die for.

k.

below r some of my attempts at taking pictures while using my new iphone 4.

Here's me trying to take a picture of my friends...while failing to realize the iphone 4 has a camera on both sides of the phone:

okay here is attempt 2 (i pressed the click button a bit too quick: - i had only had 1 margharita at this point.  ja ja i wasn't sure if my friend was winking for the camera or that i had flash on wayyy too bright):

so third time is the charm, but at least i know i will never leave my day job to be a photographer and the mocajete guacamole is slamming at Cilantros:

My new guitar addition (i love black and johnny cash had the best black guitar ever!)

and finally, the star of the weekend: Holly Holls!

One door closes...

a few doors have closed on me lately.  some to friendships i hope will re-open again in the future.  but i'll leave that up to God and time and patience and understanding and the hope that closed hearts will allow themselves to open up again.  another to a job i had...but in hindsight, the job ending was a good thing. I'm now getting offers at a much higher pay rate than before.   so when one door closes in life, others always open. everything happens for a reason.  always.  i firmly believe that.  there is a positive to every bad or unwanted situation.  its just a matter of sifting through all of the debris and finding it.  even when things look their bleakest, they are not...i keep hearing this voice always, God wouldn't put me in a situation that He didn't think I could handle and overcome.  I've always heard those words.   and now I know why....

i've had to grow and learn from these doors being closed.   i sometimes am a friend to those in ways i think people would want me to be...and i have come to realize i can overwhelm them at times.  not purposely or maliciously but i'm like a big giant hyper dog, not realizing there are set boundaries one should respect.  my definition of what a friend is and a family is, is different than what someone else's is.   and as much as one would think hey i'm not doing anything malicious, it can come off in an entirely different way then intended, and still cause some hurt.  everyone is different and has their issues, and being a friend means being a friend in  a way the other really needs, and not my way...in the end, it isn't just about caring about your friends, and hanging out, its about respecting their boundaries and feelings and putting them first...

today is all about doors.  there isn't just another opportunity at the other side of it, but something new to learn from...

My Band

Okay, so I joined a band.  No not a band of brothers, or a rubber band.  but a real music band.  yep.  So I've been playing guitar now for almost a year and I started doing solos at this place called Arlene's Grocery, doing maybe 20 or 30 minutes, sometimes 40.  About 2 weeks ago some guys were there that I know and heard me play and sing and well they asked me to join their band they are starting to form as they were in need of a guitarist. We rented a music rehearsal studio and started playing together and something happened..magic.  we blended really well.  I mean to get 6 people (a drummer, a bass guitarist, lead guitarist, rhythm guitarist, Key board pianist and a singer) and have us all blend and play really really well on the first time, well to me that's just the bees little knees...so we sent a sample of our practice session to the owner of Arlenes and they had a spot open for a 1 and a half hour gig available last friday as the other band for some reason couldn't make it.  sooooo, we played that night.  and we tore the house down.

First of all, our two vocalists, a female and a male really kick some serious singing ass.  and well the rest of the band we just seem to know how to play songs with one another.  We opened up with King of Leon's Sex on Fire and it really got the crowd going and went off into some Guns n Roses Sweet Child of Mine, STP and some other 90s rock hits.  It was soooo exhilarating.  We ended up doing another hour and at the end of the night we were all pleased with our performance.  We're playing again in 4 weeks.

We call ourselves "TanGelo".  don't ask me why.  we were just goofing around with band names and i think one of them was eating this orange fruit actually called a Tangelo.  and we said wouldn't that be a cool name for a band.  and well there you go.  I've posted some more or less clear photos of that night.  sorry but my iphone camera sucks.  i'll post up a video soon as soon as its on youtube.

Band:

Lead Vocals: Julie B.
Key Board and Piano/Alternate Lead Vocals: Warren C.
Lead Guitar: Deanny R.
Rhythm Guitar/Piano: John D. (Me)
Bass Guitarist/Lead Guitar: Justin H.
Drummer: Julio A.


Lead and  Rhythm Guitar

Drummer

Lead Vocals and Piano

Bass Guitarist

Dilemma of Nostril Proportions

Okay was at the bus stop waiting for the bus and as on many occassions I am caught out in the rain without an umbrella. I call this my current state of bad umbrella karma. But more on that on a later date. Anyhoo, so there is this guy waiting at the same bus stop which had one of those little kiosks so u can go under and avoid the rain or snow. Issue is this dude smells like 17 people used him as their own personal bathroom, WC if u will. So i'm standing there thinking should I just take the smell and not get wet. And beleive me the smell was bigger than the kiosk. Or should I just stand outside and get drenched. Decisions decisions. Sometimes the choices we make will either stink literally or b bad either way. So as I type this. I get on the next bus glad to finally be away from the smelly smellng walking bathroom. Only to realize he gets on the bus with me too. Ahh NYC. Smell it! Gotta love it!

-- Post From My iPhone

Dreams do come true

Today, I feel like anything on this earth is humanly possible!

I interviewed for a job at dream company and honestly I thought i bombed it.   it was the longest toughest two hour interview of my life.  when i left i was down and frustrated with myself...and really would not have been shocked if i didn't get it..actually i assumed i wasn't going to get dream position as this dream company.


fast forward, 2 hours later....they officially made me an offer....and i gladly accepted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


today i really do feel like anything is possible...if you just give it all you have inside you and leave it all on the table, you can accomplish anything..really

life is grand....

Try try again

Soo. After months of trying. I finally got the F chord on my guitar. This was big. A huge achievement. Huge like my good friends Liza and Leyland getting engaged. Huge like the office finally airing s decently funny episode. Grand like my fellow blogger and good friend uptowngirl running a 10k and eating almonds. Super like my girlfriend Victoria learning how to dance salsa on "'2". Like omg how amazing is it that I suddenly just tried the f chord again. And there it was. The magical sound of the upper east sides most melodious sounding f chord...maybe even the worlds...soooo... Your welcome...



-- Post From My iPhone

The Office and the Birth of my Daughter

Okay, I'm laughing my assparagus off right now watching the office, which i'm glad my lovely DVR taped. This episode (its the one where Pam gives birth) reminds me of when my daughter was born...

I was 27 years old, it was the week of our daughter's birth and her mother had been experiencing wierd contractions...contractions they call brackston hicks...meaning real contractions but not that she is about to go into labor.  ofcourse...I know that NOW...back then...at 3:00 am on October 31st, I didn't.  so we get into a cab i had called, who was a local livery cab company whom i knew for a few years.  i'm clutching the mother-to-be's overnight bag in one hand and while she was squeezing the bedittle out of my poor pinky in the other.

WE get to the hospital and they tell us "you're not in labor yet, you need to go back home when its at least 7 minutes apart...so we get a regular yellow cab back to queens.

November 1st: 10:00am i get a call at the office that she's having strong contractions...so i run out of the office...get to queens and pick up the mom-to-be who is obviously in pain and we catch that same cabby to the hospital...we get to the hospital...my pinky is once again being twisted by the mom-to-be while she is yelling at the poor nervous cabby to just "skip the **efing" red lights...which he did for two of them.  get to the hospital..."sir, she is not in labor yet, please go back home, come back at 7 minutes..."

November 2nd...more contractions..look at the timer.  nope.  not yet.  somehow we made it through the night without going to the hospital.

November 3rd:  D-Day? back at the hospital.  i'm hoping to god this is it.  my pinky and my wallet really can't take it anymore. this back and forth has cost us $130. i'm tired.  haven't slept in days.  am bearded since i haven't shaved.  i think i bathed a day or two ago.  let alone, hmm, did i change clothes...everything is a blur.  this pinky is looking awfully swollen.  and i can only imagine what the mommy to be was going through.

November 3rd-4th: 3 hours go by; 6 hours; 8 hours; 10 hours; 20 hours; 24 hours; okay finally.  this is it. she was one hour shy of docs having to turn it into a c-section as she was tiring and fatigued; exhausted.  "john, i can't do this.  i can't.  i'm so tired.  i can't!!". my instincts kicked into gear.  "yes you can.  come on.  you can do this!  you're almost there.  come on;  don't give up now! i believe in you!"  so she grabbed onto my pinky and pushed on through.

November 4th, 11:58 p.m. my daughter, that 10 and a half year old princess with expensive taste came into this world. and my world..well it was changed forever.  you really don't see life the same way..ever again...i held her in my hands...so small..omg..i'm going to break her is the first thing i thought.  she held on to my finger..and well my tears started flowing like it was going out of style.  there is no way you can't not cry when holding your child in your hands like that for the first time.  i'm looking at my daughter thinking wow...so this is you....i'm  your dad....and i smiled the biggest smile i've ever smiled.  this was the best day of my life.  November 4th, 11:58 p.m.

p.s. (i had a cast put on my hand the following day and for a month for my broken right pinky)

Own Your BadAss-ness Day!

Today is own your Badass-ness day! Own your selfness, your coolness, your "whatever it is you are either good or not good at" day today...I'm pretty good at guitar, picking out shoes and make an awesome chicken in wine sauce..I also suck at square dancing and couldn't hit a baseball to save my own life...so what..i'm still a bad-ass..i'm still going to own the fact that yes i'd probably get kicked off the little league baseball team not cause of age difference, but because i just suck at anything to do with that sport..and who  cares..i can strum some U2 songs like no body's business on my acoustic...and by my own girlfriend's admitance, i'm also a pretty darn good boyfriend...which i always tend to wonder if i am or not..

so own it..own your badass-ness...if something didn't go your way or someone doesn't like you..who gives a monkey's left monkey boob...you're still a badass, a star...why...because you just are....and you're owning it!

R.I.P. Victoria's computer

This is my girlfriend Victoria








There she is with that pretty and oh so sassy smile on her face thinking of the next witty comeback to say (it's safe to say she generally has the last word because I can never think of any wittier comebacks). She is asleep now and as I sit here and type on my new iPhone I am tempted to wake her up to the very sad news that her computer is no more. Dead. A pile of junk.



It went from the blu screen of death to this screen which reads "harddrive corrupt. Displace memory". I know what the word "replace" means but am clueless on displace. Sooo, there u have it. I'll let her sleep but I do feel bad that her pc is officially fried; toast; gone. So rest in peace home slice, pouring u a drink this weekend in ur honor...

Post From My iPhone

Farm boy

Okay no I am not a farm boy but for some reason I woke up at 4:45am like I live on one. I'm trying remember the dream I had which woke me up- I think it was something with a forest and a car...anyway as I laid in bed for 45 minutes trying to fall asleep I realized I ain't fallin asleep again for tonight so why not use my new iPhone to blog...

On tv is an infomercial with mr. T and some kitchen appliance. Funny he's gone from pitying the fool to selling a tool. this weekend should be a packed one. Friday and Sunday I have my daughter and Saturday night I am partying it up with my good friends. Oy it's still Thursday only. It's amazing so many tv channels and I grew up in an era of 8 channels only so the concept of cable to me is always cool. Case in point, I got tired of mr. T and decided to play one of the episodes of criminal minds I recorded. What's this post about nothing really. Just that I am awake at 5:41am. Wishing I was at my gf's apartment. Her apartment is so much nicer than mine and for some reason the best sleep I always get is when she's next to me. Also she has the fan on and I think the white noise sooths me. K time to see if I can fall asleep again.


-- Post From My iPhone

Inpire

This little note is always painted on the entrance door of my guitar school.  I took a picture of it sometime ago.  Thought it was fitting for this blog...

today's success

okay today, i was craving for some odd reason, my usual not so healthy breakfast of 3 or 4 eggs (i love eggs, i mean how could you not), home fries, sausage, cornbeef hash and white toast with plenty of butter and some coffee...yes not very healthy.  i'm still hurting from yesterday's work out  okay let me rephrase, i hurt more than i did last night.  soooo in the spirit of doing something daily and consistently, to achieve my health goals, i had a small plain oatmeal, a little bit of  honey and a side of apples..have to admit, i felt not full, but satisfied....so there you go, a personal high mini five to me.  I may not be feeling at my best as i'm not anywhere near where my goal is to be as far as being in shape goes.  but its better than having than nothing at all.  


cj

Flowers and Inspiration

Inspiration really is contagious, and for once, hey I inspired someone (Inspiration).  And its true, i've been down on myself letting my unhappiness own me.  and just now, reading that lovely article.  I suddenly got it!! Own it!  not just the good, the grand, the happy, the funny, the loving..but own it all..even your quirks, your bad habits, your not so good and not so funny....and i did that totally without realizing it my last post.  In order to really work on somethings I need to change, i need to Own those things too.

tonight, after i worked out (or rather what i call my trainer's version of torture), as i limped home slowly wondering, damn i feel sooo 37 at this moment and also "hmm, i don't think my arm muscles should be feeling this way", i went to my gf's place and just decided to buy her some flowers.  she has been busy with her new move to her new place and while this has been happening, i've been kind of cranky and irritable and she just has been extremely understanding.  kudos to her.  she's just plain freaking amazing.  yes we fight and bicker - i mean who doesn't.  but seriously, i feel and i can say this with 100% assurance, my life would not be what it is now,  career wise, music and guitar wise, as a person - spiritually - if it wasn't for her support.  sometimes i'll go on day in and day out and kind of wait for the right  moment to buy her a card or buy her some flowers....and i wait and wait and tonight i just decided to not wait.  life is short.  if you care about someone, or want to say a thank you to a friend, or brother or sister or want to just let someone know how or what you feel..just friggin say it, do it, express it..own your feelings and thoughts and share them.  in my eyes, giving flowers can be just a simple thing, at least to me, but when i saw her eyes light up, i was glad i picked them out.  so  victoria, this post is dedicated to you.  thank you...

cj

slump

okay so i was being a bit of a drama queen when i wrote that last post below.  i'm going leave it up just as a reminder to me.  I've never been the quitting type. good lord there were times when i really should've been.  but honestly, call it my stubbornness or resiliency, but i've never been been the kind of person to just walk away from something, even when things aren't going my way.  i think i eventually tend to wear things or people down until i am successful.  but lately, that has changed.  its not that i have quit anything, its that i suddenly stopped doing the things i need to do to be successful.  my eating and workouts, my finances, my job (am in a job situation where i need to find a new job since people are being let go)...like that U2 song says, "sometimes we're stuck in a moment we can't get out of".  

so i'm tired of feeling this way, not sleeping well to start, had a bout with kidney stones and honestly am kind of not motivated lately.  i keep hearing that phrase, don't wait to get motivated to act on something, but act on something in ORDER to get motivated.  and so that is what i am doing.  when you're unhappy with your life its hard to write funny, witty and cheerful things day in and day out in a blog - yes my goal was to write that.  but that is not very honest.  i'm actually not very happy with the current quality of my life, the direction of my job, the condition of my health, the place where i am in my finances, my poor poor sleeping patterns and also my gf has mentioned i've been a bit irritable lately.  so to her i apologize.  but more so then that.  i need to act on my life and take ownership of what i need to do.  sometimes i'll make a promise to someone and not always follow through and i realize i tend to do the same to myself.

this weekend, i read what a fellow friend/blogger wrote on her own it blog, and i am so inspired at how she and her friends all have this amazing drive, passion to succeed at a happy life and just being able to write about it.  so i know this post is not a happy one but who cares, i'm not happy at the moment and so i have to be honest.  my other blogging friend mentioned to me when i said i'm quitting my blog, "why, quit, you're writing it for yourself, right?"  and she is right.   i need to write this for myself.  i have to be honest with myself even in my writing...and right now, i need to correct some wrongs in my life aka, all i mentioned earlier.  so much to do, and i know i have so long of a way to go.  this is a long post.  but i feel i need to say a few things. i need to just go about like if i have my mojo, to quote someone, and i can't remember who - "fake it till you make it".   i realize march is upon us and i'm tired of just letting my current situation take a hold of me.   motivation comes in all forms, and when it doesn't, i just have to keep going like its there.

cj

good-bye mr. blog

today i feel like saying good-bye to you mr. blog.  seriously, ever had one of those days when you just want to say i quit.  i'm done.  i've had it with (insert said pain in the ass subject here)...well today would be that day.  i sometimes feel dumb, odd, stupid writing this blog.  who the heck really follows it anyway, or even remotely comments on it.  really, what's it worth.   I think some people are meant to have great blogs and maintain it and post witty and memorable blogs.  i am not one of those people.  seriously, what started as an experiment is more of a frustrating effort in futility.  so hence...mr. blog.  i am saying goodbye to you today.   now, i know i'm being dramatic.  but i'm having a not so good day and so i need to take it out on something..hence said blog.  maybe i'll try it again sometime down the road.  but i've tried writing day after day..and to be honest i always feel like i'm literally talking to myself.  i mean is this what it normally feels like at the beginning of a blog.  did i not think this through enough.  well.  so i must go back to the drawing board. 


city john says adios....

No Title

So this post has no subject.  Just not really sure where i'm going with it.  Had a decent weekend in Philly with my gf.  It was bitterly cold but yet we still made the treck through out the cheese steak city and walked around to a few good places, i.e. Rocky Statue, Liberty Bell, Constitution Hall, all the Historic streets and alleys.  While, yes i did take a photo with the Rocky Statue, upon arrival at said statue, I didn't do the gratuitous rocky pose with it.  Maybe I will next time.  I was just bummed that now they've moved that statue to the bottom of the steps to the right, and not where it was at the very top.  All in all, I enjoyed the two day get  away.  Looking forward to another go at Philly sometime soon, when its warmer.  Most of all, its soooo inexpensive and you can do so much there.  Definitely a place worth seeing and visiting, even at 10.00 round trip on a bus.  Yes, 10.00, you read that right.

Snowing again today, ugh, and double ugh and as i sit and type and recuperate from what i call a very grueling work out session with a trainer...(yes i hired a temporary trainer to get my arse started so i can get my health back into gear), i think, wow, i've really let myself go a good bit.  soo...as this is lent, and my gf is giving up soda, chips and starbucks (hey i support you vicks on this - you're a brave ladd)... I am going to give up eating outdoors for lunch and breakfast, soda and juice as well for lent.  so it will be easy on my pockets and on my belly.  so there you have it.  I have more to say.  but ehh, need to get back to this thing people who pay me call work.  oh yes, one more thing.  there is a movie called "New York I Love You".  great movie, amazing NYC backdrop scenes.  I totally recommend it. There is something about this city that draws you in.  Even though I enjoyed my stay in Philly, short as it was...I loved that feeling as the bus was entering Manhattan again, and i could see the NYC skyline and all the buildings..I Love NY!

P.S. Yes i tried eating Philly Cheese Steak Sandwhiches for the first time ever..and let me tell you, they are indeed every bit as good and delicious as they say they are..omg, if you do anything at all in philly, is get yourself one of these bad boys:

Of Mice and Men...

"I will hug him george.  I will hug him and squeeze him and call him george..." - Of Mice and Men..

Okay, 3am,, i am woken up from my semi-peaceful slumber by a rustling in a plastic bag in the kitchen.  Let me backtrack a bit.  I've had this one tiny annoying vermon of a mouse having his way with my stuff, including a few weeks ago, eating a steak i was craving and defrosting on top of my microwave (i didn't think he'd get to it there).  So i was settled on catching him.  I tried glue traps and those snapping mouse traps, even the anti-cruelty little traps that just traps them in a round plastic cage..and nothing.  this mouse was a mischievous one and a crafty one to boot.  soo fast forward to last night.  The rustling from the kitchen woke me up.  i had a regular food shopping bag with some garbage in there hanging from one of the knobs on a door cabinet under my sink.  I didn't think there was any way he'd get in there as it was hanging off the ground.  well, said mouse, was a daredevil too as he must have jumped from the sink to the bag below...

So apparently he was stuck ni the plastic bag and couldn't get out.  Now when i found him, i do realize i had two choices...1) just tie the bag and throw him in the garbage bin outside..or 2) Kill him, mercilessly beat his little mouseass to death...

okay i chose 2). lets just say if there were any other mice watching..they will probably  think twice before making their way into my apt.  yes, i probably over did it with how i disposed of this little rodent's life.  but hey, i have a daughter who comes over and also he ate my steak.  so in my book, he signed his own death warrant. so as i type, i poor part of this beer (hot chocolate) on to the ground for my homey....