slump

okay so i was being a bit of a drama queen when i wrote that last post below.  i'm going leave it up just as a reminder to me.  I've never been the quitting type. good lord there were times when i really should've been.  but honestly, call it my stubbornness or resiliency, but i've never been been the kind of person to just walk away from something, even when things aren't going my way.  i think i eventually tend to wear things or people down until i am successful.  but lately, that has changed.  its not that i have quit anything, its that i suddenly stopped doing the things i need to do to be successful.  my eating and workouts, my finances, my job (am in a job situation where i need to find a new job since people are being let go)...like that U2 song says, "sometimes we're stuck in a moment we can't get out of".  

so i'm tired of feeling this way, not sleeping well to start, had a bout with kidney stones and honestly am kind of not motivated lately.  i keep hearing that phrase, don't wait to get motivated to act on something, but act on something in ORDER to get motivated.  and so that is what i am doing.  when you're unhappy with your life its hard to write funny, witty and cheerful things day in and day out in a blog - yes my goal was to write that.  but that is not very honest.  i'm actually not very happy with the current quality of my life, the direction of my job, the condition of my health, the place where i am in my finances, my poor poor sleeping patterns and also my gf has mentioned i've been a bit irritable lately.  so to her i apologize.  but more so then that.  i need to act on my life and take ownership of what i need to do.  sometimes i'll make a promise to someone and not always follow through and i realize i tend to do the same to myself.

this weekend, i read what a fellow friend/blogger wrote on her own it blog, and i am so inspired at how she and her friends all have this amazing drive, passion to succeed at a happy life and just being able to write about it.  so i know this post is not a happy one but who cares, i'm not happy at the moment and so i have to be honest.  my other blogging friend mentioned to me when i said i'm quitting my blog, "why, quit, you're writing it for yourself, right?"  and she is right.   i need to write this for myself.  i have to be honest with myself even in my writing...and right now, i need to correct some wrongs in my life aka, all i mentioned earlier.  so much to do, and i know i have so long of a way to go.  this is a long post.  but i feel i need to say a few things. i need to just go about like if i have my mojo, to quote someone, and i can't remember who - "fake it till you make it".   i realize march is upon us and i'm tired of just letting my current situation take a hold of me.   motivation comes in all forms, and when it doesn't, i just have to keep going like its there.

cj